Beauty School *caugh* I Mean.. College Dropout.

Yes, ma'am. You read THAT right.

Let me explain my short story, because I don't want to ramble, and why I chose to do what I have done.

In high school, the thought of me not going to college never crossed my mind, not even for a second. I don't know why it never did. I guess, in my head, either I just wasn't ready to enter the real world or I wanted to move away and not have to see people I went to school with OR I thought you had to go to college to get a job you enjoy.

Now thinking about it... only the first two were true.

My freshmen year of college was probably the most stress I'd ever been under. Right from the start, I knew I didn't want to be there. At first, everything was wrong. I didn't seem to click with anyone, the campus wasn't fun and the staff kind of sucked from my perspective. I wanted to go back home right away. I even wrote out a long message to my family on why I wanted to transfer to UVM after 4 DAYS of being there. In the long run, it was never the school, it was school in general I didn't like.

After sticking in out for a few more weeks, I learned to like college, but more the socializing rather than the actual school part. Only a couple classes I truly enjoyed, the rest were a complete waste of money. I'd do my homework but went to the least amount of classes I could to still pass the semester because I just couldn't do it. And I know, that may sound like what every college kid might do, but every semester got worse and worse. By the end of my second year in school, I noticed I hadn't gone to my math class in five weeks... Somehow, I still passed with a B...

I know I'm able to pass school if I really put the time and energy into it, but right now, at this stage in my life, I have zero motivation to do that. I wish I did so badly, but in reality, I'm not about to spend my last penny on four+ years of my life that I might wish I put more effort into in the future.

I have a feeling a lot of people might be surprised by this and I don't blame you. I've always challenged myself and made myself do things because I know I would regret it in the long run if I didn't do it. I do real defeated, though, because it feels like I'm quitting. I've thought about this ever since the day I started in 2017, so why am I feeling like this is the wrong thing to do? I'll probably just keep telling myself that "it's just not your time to go to college, and that's ok", but I know I'll also be thinking "you'll be so behind" and "people will be so disappointed". I truly haven't felt this defeated in my life since I quit playing basketball.

Let me make this clear, though.

To the people who think I'm doing this because I'm lazy: No.

To the people thinking I can't do it because I'm dumb: Not it.

To the people who think I'll regret it: Honestly, who knows.

And to the people who think I'm making a stupid mistake: Sorry. Worry about your own life. This is mine. I'm just trying to document what's going on in my head and explain what's going on.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy not going to school for the first time in my life. I still have to find a job (still searching...). I know it's going to take a while and I can be patient. I'm not planning on being a doctor or lawyer or psychologist so why was I going to college? I'd rather have job experience starting now rather than waiting another two or three years and do the same thing I'm doing right at this moment, but with even more debt.

If you're reading this and you're in college, please don't take this as a "oh, maybe I should quit too" because it's a serious thing that should be thought about carefully. Just know though that millions of people didn't go to college and they ended up just fine while millions went to college and hate their job/are doing something completely different and vice versa.

I am truly grateful, though, I got to spend the time I did in school because I know I've still made life-long friends and created a really amazing relationship out of it and I would never ever change a moment of it. So I didn't really completely waste my time I guess... I just know what's yet to come will be better for me.

If you have questions or are confused about what's going on, you can always message me. AND if you got any jobs in mind, that doesn't hurt either. ;)

Thank you all who have supported me throughout my life and through this, I am so extremely thankful.