An Update

I haven't been on in a while doing posts, but there are good reasons so hear me out!!!

A lot of things have changed since... however long ago, I just know they have. I've been through a few things that kind of messed me up/enlightened me. Now here me out when I say these things; this isn't a cry for help what-so-ever or a pity party, I'm just simply updating you on my feelings and what's going on. Maybe someone out there is feeling the same way, too.

Before going back to school, I was excited and hopeful as one would be because it was another change of events. I was a little bored over the summer because all I did was work and come home and do nothing, which is definitely on me. I could have done plenty of things, I'm just annoyingly lazy and can't help it which is frustrating. So because of this, I was eager to go back and do something different.

Now I won't go into too much detail about this just for my own sake, but as my family and I were driving out to school to the house I'd be living in with four other people, one of my friends called me about 4.5 hours out saying we couldn't live in this house. I was the only one who wasn't out there to examine and move into it and she was saying they all didn't want to stay there because it was unsafe with black mold... :). That was one of the most stressful days of the year/maybe my life but who knows. I finally got to school while everyone was looking for other apartments to stay in. Finally, by the end of the day, three of us, including me, were able to find a nice apartment while the other two did, as well. The sad thing is is that I'm still stressed because we still have to deal with this BS landlord who is being EXTREMELY unreasonable. Moral of the story is don't trust a landlord whose "office" is McDonald's.........

Balancing my school schedule with getting rides to campus, softball and work was so hard for me in the beginning. I was a bit far off campus and had no car. I hated having people drive me so I hesitated a lot with the rides. It made me anxious about doing the things I needed to do. As of right now, I have a car that I'm using, thankfully and gratefully, but it's still hard to balance it all just because of time. It's all just in my head, I know, but it's hard to get passed it.

Up to this point in life now, I'm still struggling with the fact: is it worth it? meaning college. I'm not just going to drop out at this point or anything like that, but the question of "is it worth it for me?" crosses my mind now and then. I have no idea what I want to do/am doing here but can't seem to think of what the HELLLL I'd do if I wasn't here. I feel like I'm in a quarter life crisis and can't snap out of it. (John Mayer reference if you DIDN'T get it....).

There are plenty other small things I'm struggling with like trying to focus on me and not other people's lives and to not get distracted by what others may be doing, but truthfully, there are so many good things that have happened. It's just hard to realize right now.

AGAIN I'M OK! I just wanted to share that it's not all fun and games at this point in life and that's ok. I'll figure it out.

Thanks for reading my what looks like "no problem" problems. I'll be back again soon.