The Sad Season

I had been noticing, especially recently, that I'd be getting sad or sluggish during the winter season. I wasn't sure if it was because of the situations I had faced throughout my life like people passing away during that specific season or the fact that school is in session. I would want to stay inside all day, sleep late, and eat... all the time. I knew from a young age that winter was when everything died like flowers and grass, that the water froze over and it got dark. It was a time where things slowed down, even humans. I just never thought it would have such an effect on me.

For the past few weeks here at school it's just been really ugly. And I don't say that lightly. It's been gross. The snow is half gone, the grass is brown, the sky is dark but with a slight, gray glow. I thought about it and I've always known my mom to say that the weather does effect our moods. As I grow older, I've noticed seasons really shifting my mood and messing with my emotions. To be honest, I though my birth control had to do with the lack of motivation and the cause of my unhappiness (which still could be the case on some level), but I truly believe it's because of winter. I don't ski, I don't snowboard, and I rarely go out if I don't have to. I'm not getting enough vitamin D and the days are shorter making my biological clock go haywire which can "reduce levels of serotonin (a brain chemical that regulates your mood) and melatonin (a chemical which regulates sleep and mood".

The other day I walked out of class and the sun hit my face and I became so warm. There was no breeze so it felt like the middle of spring to me which gave me a sense of happiness. I felt comfortable and I felt like smiling just because. Knowing that things are beginning to grow again and things are warming up makes me realize that it will all be ok and things will always come around as they do. Sometimes you need to feel the cold and the sad before you feel the warmth and the love.

I know now that this sort of depression is called Seasonal Affective Disorder which is extremely common especially among women. To help with this, there are of course medications that I will not be taking, but there are. There's psychotherapy where you can talk to someone about your behaviors and figure out ways to help cope. Then there are light boxes or lamps that shine a light similar to the sun's natural light to help regulate those chemicals in your brain to help with your mood. I personally haven't tried any, really, but I'm sure they help. Of course, everyone's treatment will be different.

Don't be discouraged or feel ashamed if you're feeling this type of way because it's way more common than you think. Of course I just had to go to a school way up north where the winter just takes over. But that's ok because it will just let me appreciate summer a little more than I had before.